Apple Takes a Bite Out of Retail Teams – “You’ve been Apple-liminated!” Cupertino, California – In an unexpected turn of events, Apple Inc., the world’s most valuable fruit-themed tech company, has decided to eliminate a small number of roles within its corporate retail teams. It seems the juice just wasn’t worth the squeeze. And of …
Apple Job cuts Despite Being Immune to Layoff Plague Read More »
Ray Kurzweil’s Quest for Human Immortality The idea of living forever has tickled humanity’s morbid fancy for eons. Because who wouldn’t want to stick around to see the eventual heat death of the universe? Ray Kurzweil, a computer wizard and apparent contestant on “Who Wants to be Immortal?”, claimed we’d all be un-killable by 2030. …
Human Immortality: Unlocking The Secrets of Eternal Life Read More »
Black Clover Movie: Sword of the Wizard King – 1 Hour 50 Minutes of Agony Black Clover fans, grab your anti-depressants and wipe away your existential dread, for there’s a reason to live just a bit longer! The upcoming disaster piece, Black Clover Movie: Sword of the Wizard King, is ready to force your senses …
Corporate Carnage: The Great Job Massacre of 2023 The global job market, in its bid to achieve a new high score, has been on a brutal rampage, merrily massacring job positions left, right, and center. All in the name of “austerity measures” post-pandemic, of course. Bloomberg News, keeping track of the body count like it’s …
Apple VR Headset: Apple’s Unholy WWDC Seance: June 5th, 2023 Apple VR Headset: Apple has declared June 5th, 2023, as the date for its horrific Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) seance. There it plans to summon its first mixed-reality headset from the depths of Silicon Valley hell. This unholy gathering is expected to be held at …
Finland NATO Approve: A Historic Moment NATO has done it again! The alliance has approved Finland Nato membership, making it the 31st member of the exclusive club. Wow, what an achievement! I’m sure the people of Finland are thrilled to be joining a military alliance that has been involved in countless wars and conflicts around …
Finland Nato: A Game Changer for European Security Read More »
Credit Default Swaps: The Loaded Guns of Finance Ah, what are credit default swaps, the financial equivalent of playing Russian roulette with loaded guns. It’s like insurance, but instead of hoping nothing bad happens, you’re actively rooting for it. Who needs ethical investing when you can bet on the demise of companies and countries? And …
what are credit default swaps: The Latest Turmoil in CDS Markets Read More »
A New World of Emoji Awaits: iOS 16.4 Ah, the joys of modern technology! Apple has graced us with yet another update, this time unleashing iOS 16.4 upon the unsuspecting masses. What delights await us; you ask? Well, brace yourselves for an avalanche of new emoji that will surely revolutionize how we communicate with one …
OneWeb Satellites Set to Provide Global Broadband by 2023 Well, it seems like OneWeb has finally launched the last of its satellites – you know, after going through a minor hiccup of filing for bankruptcy last year. Mysteriously the company seems to be making a comeback with its “constellation” of 616 satellites. At least they’re …
OneWeb Satellites Joins the Global Race with Successful Launch Read More »
TikTok CEO Faces Congress in Unfortunate Circumstances TikTok’s CEO, Shou Zi Chew, really knocked it out of the park with his recent appearance before the House Energy and Commerce Committee. Nothing says “fun times” like concerns over user privacy, misinformation, and the negative impact social media has on children. But hey, let’s not pick on …
TikTok CEO Testimony Highlights Need To Protect Online Privacy Read More »
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